I’m on the phone with the specialty pharmacy making my first medication and supply reorder for my now at home Immunoglobulin Infusion Therapy. Here’s a little snippet of the conversation:
Beleaguered employee answers my call and with absolutely no vim nor vigor starts with: Hello. Thank you for calling Accredo. This is Mel (sigh) how may I help you.
Me – Hey Mel! (Totally masking that all I want to do is cry because who wants to call in every month and order all these supplies and meds and needles and have that in your house where you can’t escape from it) I got the messages from you guys that it’s time to order all my stuff for my next infusion. So, that’s what I’m doing!
Mel – Okay. We can do that. (Heavy sighs)
Me – Um, the automated system said I needed an account number, buuuut, I either don’t have one or just don’t know it. I do have my supplies list that my nurse filled out for me. So, that’s a bonus.
Mel – Sounding perkier and perkier as we jointly go through the list and formulate my order. It gets dicey when Mel asks about a supply that’s not listed. At all.
Mel has to ask the usual medical questions – weight, have you been admitted since the last infusion, any change in medications etc etc.
Mel – Any new allergies?
Me – No. Still allergic to Assholes.
There’s this quiet, as if all the air had been sucked out of the space between who even knows the miles between us.
Then the stiffled giggling starts.
Me – I don’t think the Infusion even works on that.
Mel – You’d think by now they’d have a spray. (Full on cackling now)
Me – Just right in the face. Who needs Bear Spray. I have Asshole Spray.
Mel – Can hardly breathe.
Mel – (Finally stops cackling long enough to take a full breath and tells me) Man, that was funny.
I’m getting my order on February 7th. Sadly there’s no Asshole Spray in the order.
Mel got a perfect review in my phone survey.
loosestgirlintown 